This past week, I have really struggled with feeling as though I am not “enough.” Not in terms of my relationship to anyone else, but rather not enough for myself, like I am sub-par according to my own expectations. I feel as though I am not accomplishing as much as I should be, that I am not as dedicated or tough or focused or disciplines as I used to be, and that perhaps I’m wasting my time, my potential. This meme was really helpful for me, and I am going to print it off and look at it every morning as I visualize the “best version of me.” I am determined to accomplish great things in 2016; I want to be proud of myself and who I am, and I never want another year filled with so much doubt and confusion.
In response to the Daily Post’s prompt Third Rate Romance
For a woman who is quite comfortable being single–and who is more likely than not to stay single for long periods of time–I sure seem to have more than my share of dating disaster stories! In fact, I may have to make a little series out of this prompt…
He and I decided this weekend to back up a bit on the “relationship” aspect of us (seeing as we have different views on what constitutes dating versus a relationship anyhow, this is probably a good idea). It takes him longer than it does me to determine how he feels/what he wants, and that lack of consensus has been stressful for us both. Whereas I’m happy just to be with him and live more in the present, he thinks more in terms of the future when asked how he feels, what he wants, or what makes him happy.
As I’ve previously written, my fear of failure has caused me to avoid trying new or intimidating things at various points in my life; thus, this quote really struck a chord with me. Though I often was “the best” at many of the pursuits I did undertake, this quote gave me a new view on those triumphs. I often rose to the top through a mix of natural ability and dogged practice, but it frequently seemed as though winning did not take as much effort for me in comparison, and perhaps not nearly as much effort as it should have. In those instances when I played it safe and took the route most likely to lead to “success,” did I really succeed if I did not learn along my way to gathering trophies? What was really gained by avoiding the scary possibility of failure in favor of the safer guaranteed success? Indeed, I now wish that I had stepped outside my comfort zone more often.
Sometimes, it feels as though most outlets for connecting, sharing, and exploring life (i.e. social media, etc.) only receive the bright side of our experiences. Though some people most certainly self-censor in order to maintain an illusion, others likely refrain in the interest of preserving pride or not damaging relationships with others. I don’t know exactly why I have a hard time talking about negative experiences in detail with people, but I also have a much harder time writing about them, even if I’m the only one who will ever read it. Perhaps it’s the idea that if bad experiences and weak moments aren’t down in writing, they aren’t “real.”
Although I am flexible naturally (particularly in my legs), positions such as this take some consistent work to get into comfortably–or as comfortably as as possible, anyway. 😉 I took this photo after coaching a couple Saturday tumbling classes last year, several months before my knee surgeries. I would like to get to this point again, as my oversplits are not this good currently. To do so, I commit to stretching every day (aside from what I get in during coaching) this week to start building that into my daily routine again.
Although I am posting this on a Tuesday rather than Sunday, I am allowing myself to do so (without feeling “guilty” for missing my own deadline) due to the very nature of the quote I am posting. I feel that all too often, we expect perfection from ourselves–and sometimes, without logical reason. This was a wonderful reminder for me that my having areas for improvement does not negate my ability to simultaneously be a masterpiece. Indeed, I plan to enhance my competencies (and…well, those that aren’t competencies yet!) for the duration of my life; is that decision not, in and of itself, the very making of a masterpiece? This week, I plan to use this quote as a reminder to be kind to myself, perfect or not.