Maybe It’s Goodbye Again

Funny how when you finally find a way to persuade yourself to stop worrying about something, it looks like you should have been worried after all. I had a post all drafted up about the positive side of my significant other’s qualities that sometimes play a big role in our arguments, written mostly because he has this idea that he always makes me upset and that he can’t make me happy. But it seems like he’s too busy, stressed, exhausted to want to bother with us anymore… I guess if he has to cut something stressful out of his life, the woman who loves him is easier to ditch than work, his business (obviously), coaching, his recreational sport, etc.

We’ll talk about it in person soon. Hopefully tomorrow, seeing as it’s Valentine’s Day and I haven’t seen him since the end of January. =( I don’t know though. Maybe that will pass by without a word too.

Thinking about it, it all seems so ridiculous. I have seen him twice in the last month. Like we’ve both lost a pant size since we’ve seen each other last. And he doesn’t think I should be “complaining:” he wants me to “relax” instead of worrying about if/when I’ll see him. Because after all, “We’re adults; we won’t die if we don’t see each other for a week.” (Yes, that’s a direct quote.)

Sometimes, I think I’m optimistic to the point of obliviousness. I believe far too much in the people I love. Maybe it’s time to let this one go, as much as this is going to hurt…as much as it already hurts. He’ll have to learn on his own how to treat someone like a semblance of a priority, but I can’t help by accepting a situation that is making me so unhappy. All I’ve asked is to see him once a week. Once. Even if we have to work the whole time, I just want to be beside him. It’s with the understanding that when his busy season is over we’d have more time together, but maybe that just won’t happen.

In my opinion, the source of our arguments would be a non-issue if I knew when I was going to see him instead of continually getting my hopes up and having them crushed. He doesn’t think so though. I guess this week when we had that fight, he stopped believing things could be fixed. Stopped wanting to try. Do I want to be with someone who is willing to give up on us so easily…? I guess I’ll find out soon if that’s where he stands, if it’s what he really wants. But I have to know that he will actually go back to treating me as if we’re dating, or maybe I should be the one to walk away.

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