11/12
Every time you woke up
And murmured, “I missed you,”
I knew that was code for
An “I love you”
That you feared would
Tear your heart in two
If you allowed the words
To escape those beautiful lips
That enthrall me
Every time you speak.
-Sarah Clinton
10/15/18
Running toward you is like
Throwing my heart into the fire
To rid it of the frostbite from my last.
You always told me I’d get burned.
Had you not, I
Would never have
Known how to survive
When he did, too.
-Sarah Clinton
Maya Angelou once said, "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."
Now, I am NOT an artist (like, by any stretch of the imagination: one time in high school I tried to doodle a trumpet and ended up drawing a penis. in permanent marker. on my leg...but I digress), but I've been determined to spend time practicing things at which I am really, really bad.
He and I decided this weekend to back up a bit on the “relationship” aspect of us (seeing as we have different views on what constitutes dating versus a relationship anyhow, this is probably a good idea). It takes him longer than it does me to determine how he feels/what he wants, and that lack of consensus has been stressful for us both. Whereas I’m happy just to be with him and live more in the present, he thinks more in terms of the future when asked how he feels, what he wants, or what makes him happy.
Sometimes, it feels as though most outlets for connecting, sharing, and exploring life (i.e. social media, etc.) only receive the bright side of our experiences. Though some people most certainly self-censor in order to maintain an illusion, others likely refrain in the interest of preserving pride or not damaging relationships with others. I don’t know exactly why I have a hard time talking about negative experiences in detail with people, but I also have a much harder time writing about them, even if I’m the only one who will ever read it. Perhaps it’s the idea that if bad experiences and weak moments aren’t down in writing, they aren’t “real.”
