Choosing Forgiveness, Finding Peace

This week has been one full of lessons for me.

I've learned exactly how fast I can move when I witness an electrical fire in a garage full of cars...that happens to be located directly under my apartment. (Spoiler: car and cat were both moved to safe locations and the fire department got there within minutes, so thankfully no vehicles burst into flame.)

I've learned that this adult ADHD means I still deal with certain types of stress the same as always: don't eat (and y’all KNOW I love food), don't sleep, and run like hell. I've actually lost a full 1.5 inches from my waist just since Thanksgiving last week.

I've also been gently reminded that we simply can't expect other people to treat us how we would treat them, whether in friendship, in love, or in life in general.

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Rejoining the Living and Writing

“Write clear and hard about what hurts. Don’t avoid it. It has all the energy. Don’t worry, no one ever died of it. You might cry or laugh, but not die.” —Ernest Hemingway

So the below is from a post I put up on Instagram this week. Typically I don’t post on social media about what’s happening in my “real life,” but I figured someone in a similar position might appreciate the solidarity.

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Self-confidence Sunday #13

Although losing him has been hard, today I am reminded of the fact that I can turn this heartbreak into a learning experience and further enrich my worldview, my capacity for empathy, and my understanding of myself. We’ve all been in that place where we thought someone deserved the world and we ultimately ended up rejected, often seemingly out of the blue. It hurts, but it’s an opportunity to take a deeper look into what we want and need out of relationships, what the other person wasn’t giving us that we at first did not acknowledge, where we have room to improve…and where, perhaps, we need to learn to know our own worth and expect more out of the other person. Sometimes, I think we actually get left when we do not expect enough out of our significant others, although that can be a scary thing to do.

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Running on Empty

Today was a little hard. I got two hours of sleep, the address for my job interview ended up being in a field, and I’m missing you.

When bad things happen, I instinctively reach out for you; now, you’re not there. When good things happen, my impulse is to call you. You said you wanted to know about both…but I don’t need to depend on you for love, support, or encouragement if you won’t be there through thick and thin.

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Self-confidence Sunday #12

Tomorrow will mark one month since he left me, and I've decided that tomorrow will also mark the day my life begins anew, the day I will let my tears begin to water seeds that, once nurtured, will blossom into grace, wisdom, empathy, resilience, and opportunity.

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Self-confidence Sunday #6

It can be really empowering for other people to believe in you, but it’s even more important to believe in yourself. As wonderful as it is to have people reassure me of my capabilities when I doubt myself–which I did a lot of in 2015–I also am aware that all the reassurance in the world will not restore my tenacity and fire unless I truly believe what is being said.

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Bump in the Road & Blessing in Disguise

I wanted my first post of 2016 to be about looking forward, about the major points my significant other earned on Christmas and New Year’s, about excitement and plans and self-improvement (and probably about cheeseburgers to be honest, if I included my top priorities in life). Instead, I was thrown a bit of a wrench health-wise at the turn of the year.

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Self-confidence Sunday #5

This past week, I have really struggled with feeling as though I am not “enough.” Not in terms of my relationship to anyone else, but rather not enough for myself, like I am sub-par according to my own expectations. I feel as though I am not accomplishing as much as I should be, that I am not as dedicated or tough or focused or disciplines as I used to be, and that perhaps I’m wasting my time, my potential. This meme was really helpful for me, and I am going to print it off and look at it every morning as I visualize the “best version of me.” I am determined to accomplish great things in 2016; I want to be proud of myself and who I am, and I never want another year filled with so much doubt and confusion.

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Self-Confidence Sunday #2

Masterpiece Work in Progress

Although I am posting this on a Tuesday rather than Sunday, I am allowing myself to do so (without feeling “guilty” for missing my own deadline) due to the very nature of the quote I am posting. I feel that all too often, we expect perfection from ourselves–and sometimes, without logical reason. This was a wonderful reminder for me that my having areas for improvement does not negate my ability to simultaneously be a masterpiece. Indeed, I plan to enhance my competencies (and…well, those that aren’t competencies yet!) for the duration of my life; is that decision not, in and of itself, the very making of a masterpiece? This week, I plan to use this quote as a reminder to be kind to myself, perfect or not.

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Eat, Pray, Love

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Yin to My Yang.”

When I think of what constitutes a “soulmate,” I think of the following quote from Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat Pray Love:

I won’t say that I embrace the quote in its entirety for my own life (though perhaps that’s my twenty-something-year-old romantic hopes speaking), but I love the idea of a soulmate helping you forge your own best self by fire. I’ve always found it rather unrealistic to think that one will simply bring permanent bliss to your life and help you transform without a certain amount of struggle. Instead, he will “bring you to your own attention so you can change your life…shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life.” If I find that, and in the same someone who will lead me to sing just because I’m happy, I will count myself a very lucky woman.

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