Perhaps that’s why it hurt so
When you left.
You had become
My guiding light
The bookends of my days
My Compass.Ever the captain,
I resumed my rightful
Place at the helm
Readjusted the sails
And set course for
A paradise of my own making.
–Sarah Clinton
When he tries to have his cake and eat it too,
I urge you to leave the table
Wholly unconcerned
With whether or not he will starve.
–Sarah Clinton
The rain lashed at my window
Like your words at my heart.
Cutting, biting,
Colder than I expected.Little did you know
This was preferable
To the Silent void left
As you faded day by day.
–Sarah Clinton
December 6, 2017
I thought you were
But a dream.
Then, all too soon,
You were.
–Sarah Clinton
I can't recall Ever embracing the darkness.
Not like now. I'd never before sought Nothingness Rather than forging ahead Even when it meant I ran through pain.
Last month, I agreed to do a sample shoot for the catalog of a company in which my freelance employer invests. The product, a line of collegiate-branded women’s sleepwear, seemed right up my alley (seriously, who doesn’t love pajamas??), though it had been a while since I’d done a shoot. Although it was fun (my photographer, Tara Arseven, was just wonderful: personable, intelligent, and funny), the experience was a good reminder that I simply am not keen on attempting to use my appearance to make a living when I could (less stressfully, and with fewer creepers) use my talents to do the same. If nothing else, some of the attire was just skimpier than I am comfortable being photographed: about the least I’m okay with wearing tends to be a sports bra and spandex shorts for a sports-related shoot.
And just like that
You were gone,
Much like the wave of
Emotion your now-distant
Memory succinctly evokes.
Sometimes, it can be a blessing to have the “one that got away” only a text message away. He, who broke my heart several short years ago, was suddenly my lifeline when Seyi turned out to be a legitimately shitty person. Even now, we are in tune enough for that; still finishing each other’s sentences after all this time. I told him I’d never forgive him if he made me fall for him again…but perhaps I’ve finally (hopefully!!!) learned what Ms. Maya admonished long ago: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
It isn't easy yet...but I am free.
Tomorrow will mark one month since he left me, and I've decided that tomorrow will also mark the day my life begins anew, the day I will let my tears begin to water seeds that, once nurtured, will blossom into grace, wisdom, empathy, resilience, and opportunity.
Now, I am NOT an artist (like, by any stretch of the imagination: one time in high school I tried to doodle a trumpet and ended up drawing a penis. in permanent marker. on my leg...but I digress), but I've been determined to spend time practicing things at which I am really, really bad.
