Vapor

February 7, 2018

You are more vapor than gust, now.

The only remnant of your presence

Appears at nightfall

When the world is all but asleep

And the wind carries along a whispered memory

That, when day breaks,

Is shoved aside

Like those old dreams

Of you and I.

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Into the Arms of An Older Man

D. certainly threw me for a loop–both when he appeared and when he unceremoniously left (and then, of course, began doing the very same thing to another woman while lying to me about it, but that’s another story). Despite the short time we’d known each other, his leaving without any acknowledgement or offer of closure hit me harder than perhaps any other dating snafu since my early twenties. I had stopped eating, started drinking, and was pretty much a mess overall.

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Repeating Life’s Lessons Until They Are Learned

If there is anything I think I finally, finally need to thoroughly learn this year, it is to stop trusting men I care about more than I trust my own intuition. “Always trust your gut” is an adage I’ve heard probably from the time I could walk, but it’s a lot easier said than done when going with your gut means acknowledging that someone you love, admire, esteem, etc., is lying to you or simply isn’t who you thought they were.

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Living in Color

When you’re hurting, I think it can be easy at times to allow your world to fade into gray. And that’s okay: sometimes, you have to do whatever it takes to get through whatever trial you’re facing.

Typically, I haven’t had the “luxury” of taking the time to process whatever grief or anger a situation has caused. This time, I made sure to go through that process. I’ll be honest, it was hard as hell and it pulled me way out of my comfort zone, but it was probably a lot healthier to allow myself to heal and gain wisdom from the experience.

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The Digital Version of Loneliness: A Paradox

There are few situations lonelier than being wanted by seemingly everybody…except the one person whose attention you crave.

You know, I get hit on every day. Sometimes it bothers me more than others, but the vast majority of the time, I prefer to be left alone. You know, treated like a human being rather than an item to be possessed. That sentiment gets infinitely more painful each time someone hits on me in “real life” or I get an overwhelming number of messages on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, LinkedIn, Twitter, freaking Words with Friends (because yes, women get hit on EVERYWHERE), etc…and meanwhile, I am being ignored by the one man who really made me believe in the possibility of forever.

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Charting My Own Waters

Perhaps that’s why it hurt so
When you left.
You had become
My guiding light
The bookends of my days
My Compass.

Ever the captain,
I resumed my rightful
Place at the helm
Readjusted the sails
And set course for
A paradise of my own making.

–Sarah Clinton

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Dating Deal-Breakers: Ladies, Know When to Run

So I’ll be the first to say that I don’t necessarily have the best luck with men (if you’ve followed my writing for very long, you can attest to this). Some of that is because I—a coach through and through—tend to see people’s potential, forgive mistakes, and assume that everyone I meet is generally trying his or her best from their own current level of consciousness.

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You Always Leave Like Rain

The rain lashed at my window
Like your words at my heart.
Cutting, biting,
Colder than I expected.

Little did you know
This was preferable
To the Silent void left
As you faded day by day.

–Sarah Clinton

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Lingering Shadows Unbidden

December 2, 2017

Dear God,
You’re going to make me crazy.
It’d be so much easier
To move on
If your shadow didn’t linger
In my bed
When the throes of ecstasy
Subside.

–Sarah Clinton

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