Everything Changes

One thing that has really struck me about the process of moving on (or whatever it is that I’m doing) is that my emotions and energy can vary extremely widely from day to day. It seems that this often is dependent upon my sense of control over the situation and whether or not we have interacted (or interacted positively). When I am patient enough to let all interactions be initiated by him, it is a lot easier to feel competent, confident, and in control of what “us” is for me and of my life overall. He no longer dictates my emotions to that degree if I let him be the one who approaches me.

Last night, even though our team lost, I had a wonderful evening after coaching just hanging out at a bar in uptown with other members of my city’s alumni network. I met other former Vandy athletes as well as talked to a couple older alums, one of whom immediately got my contact information and has already mentioned several ways in which we could work together. I remain absolutely blown away by the genuine caring, helpfulness, and selflessness of the other VU alums with whom I have interacted. This job search process has been hard, and sometimes it really takes a lot of the wind out of my sails, but the reassurance, planning, and networking other grads have provided has really been the equivalent of a life saver. Someday, I will have my career together and will be able to do the same thing for other emerging professionals. <3

Last night, he texted me while I was out at the bar, and then for about a couple hours afterward. With the way he was talking, it made it sound like he was missing me, but I was careful not to get into anything similar to talks of “us.” He was a bit less careful, but that’s fine (and I played dumb when necessary). The ball is in his court as far as that goes; I’m not going to pursue him. It’s just so dumb that hearing from him through any medium still makes me happy, still makes me feel reassured and at peace. -_- Dumb man…

I got to stunt and tumble some at open gym tonight after work, and I left with this nagging need to get my head on straight and get all my skills back (and then some)! I’ll work with the other coaches when time permits, but I’m considering asking him (yes, seriously) at some point to work with me… He still wants to get together and stunt again, so I may as well ask for him to help me get rid of the mental craziness I’ve developed around my tumbling while we’re already out and sweaty.

He may be a ding-dong sometimes in relationships, but he’s also an incredible coach, sooo… I think I’ll hold off on asking at least until he contacts me again though, since that seems to be better for me. Maybe I can offer some of my editing and marketing skills in exchange, which he could surely use for his business? Then it would be less of a favor from a friend/ex (or whatever we are) and more of a business “deal.”

I know I’ve had some rough knocks this year, but it just feels like life is about to get so, so much better. Everything will be sorted out, I’ll be working in a job that will provide me with challenges and opportunities to learn new skills, I’ll be coaching, out exploring all that Dallas has to offer… Goodness, I just can’t wait to be on salary and able to help my parents financially instead of just around the house. I’m planning on taking my first “real” paycheck and fixing the plumbing in their front bathroom. Someday soon, I will feel like a “real person” again. 🙂


True Life: I Made My Recruiter Cry

“Not to jinx it, but…”

With as frequently as I have heard not to count my “eggs” before they hatch, one would think I would have learned by this age not to get too excited before I know that a prospect is a sure thing. In keeping with my naturally obnoxious optimistic nature though, I just can’t help but to bounce around excitedly way before I have a certifiable, set-in-stone reason. Maybe that isn’t wise, per se, but I think I’d rather let myself experience the sort of elation that truly makes me feel alive rather than carefully curate my feelings out of some fear of disappointment.

A week ago, I set about applying for jobs (“real” jobs anyway, as opposed to the coaching and freelance work I do currently) like a madwoman (and a poor one at that). Two days later, I got an email asking to set up a phone screening. Although I was excited about the prospect of working for this company–which has a mission about which I am very passionate–I was not prepared for how awesome an experience it would be simply to interview with them (seriously).

When my recruiter called me Friday morning, she started the interview off on a wonderful note by sharing with me the fact that when she was younger, she loved Vanderbilt so much that she used to cut out photos of campus in the autumn and hang them on her wall. Even though it’s already been four years since I graduated, Vanderbilt made such a huge impact on my life that I always love hearing stories from others who are of a same mind.

What I really did not expect was that two short minutes later, I would make this lovely woman cry right in the middle of my interview. She asked me why I wanted to work for the company, which gave me the opportunity to explain why education and outreach (both related to the job for which I applied) are so very important to me. I spent a good bit of my childhood below the poverty line (though my parents certainly had it harder than did my siblings and I) and it is education that allowed all of us to hope for and make a better life. If there is one thing I would love to do as part of my job, it would be to help make educational opportunities accessible to others, especially women, members of racial minorities, and others who are traditionally disadvantaged in our society.

So basically, if I get this job, I will absolutely be surprising this woman with Vandy gear.

This morning I had the second phone interview, this time with the hiring manager (a senior marketing manager, who would be over me were I to be added to the team). It seems as though my luck held: we hit it off well enough that my interview went 10 minutes over the allotted time and she recommended a book to me that reminded her of my current academia-to-vastly-different-occupation life change (I plan to order that ASAP).

My in-person interview–with the manager and a VP–is this Friday. I know I “shouldn’t” get ahead of myself and be too excited, but it’s hard not to hope that this could be “the one.” The location is great, I like the people I’ve met at the company so far, the pay and benefits look to be exactly what I have been hoping for, I could expand my skill set, and I would be able to find a sense of purpose in work that I believe to be for the greater good. Crossing my fingers and studying to do my best at this interview Friday, but I just can’t help but to think that this could be the opportunity I’ve been waiting for. =)

Self-confidence Sunday #8

It feels like a lot of things have fallen apart in about the last 24-48 hours, so I could really use this dose of positivity today. Sometimes I have these days where it seems like I’ve wasted a lot of time in my life (making the choice to go to graduate school feels naive and misguided at times, for example), as though I’m not where I “should” be, and like I’m not as good at anything as I should be by this point.

Today, I have added some images that remind me how very happy cheering and coaching make me, how strong and determined I feel when faced with implicit challenges therein. I am reminded of the above statement: “You grow and thrive by doing what excites you and what scares you every day, not by trying to find your passion.” This week, I am determined not to overlook the day-to-day things that fascinate me and instead commit to doing things that scare me a little bit.

Coed Cheer Partner Stunt Cupie Awesome Handstand Splits Wedge Mat Gymnastics Vanderbilt Cheerleader Smile Tennessee Football