Sometimes, it feels as though most outlets for connecting, sharing, and exploring life (i.e. social media, etc.) only receive the bright side of our experiences. Though some people most certainly self-censor in order to maintain an illusion, others likely refrain in the interest of preserving pride or not damaging relationships with others. I don’t know exactly why I have a hard time talking about negative experiences in detail with people, but I also have a much harder time writing about them, even if I’m the only one who will ever read it. Perhaps it’s the idea that if bad experiences and weak moments aren’t down in writing, they aren’t “real.”
I think I don’t even know where to go anymore when I’m hurt. I could try to journal, I could talk to a friend or my mother (though this skill is a work in progress; I prefer not to talk when things get hard)…or I could revert to my usual coping method and keep myself busy with work and an excessive number of sprints and lifting sessions. Sometimes, it’s just easier being too exhausted to think. This blog could be a good outlet, but since it isn’t completely anonymous, I would be concerned with not writing anything that could eventually upset anyone close to me, were they ever to come upon this site…
Where do I go when I just feel broken? My hurt feelings are usually the last thing I want to talk about with anyone, especially if I’m consistently down or legitimately struggling. Today, I would like to curl up into a little ball and hide under the covers with my cat. But I won’t: I’ll go coach, I’ll knock more things off my to-do list, and I’ll hold on until everything gets a little better…but I really would prefer to just sleep until life feels more manageable.