Category: Life

Woes of Work (or Lack Thereof)

Perhaps it’s the head cold that has me a bit down; maybe it’s the breakup aftermath. Either way, I’m having trouble avoiding a fixation on my job woes today.

I know that breaking into a new field is hard, especially with a master’s degree in a different field (and simultaneous graduate assistantship experience *in* the relevant field, which doesn’t always count because it occurred while I was in school. ugh). Despite that, I’m pretty irritated about how the process has gone so far. Especially when the interviews go so well, even to the point of my receiving detailed employee benefits information (costs and everything, I mean)…only to receive an email a couple days later that they are “moving forward” with other candidates–except that it looks like it just went to a guy already in the company. Internal politics, I suppose.

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People are Allowed to Leave You

People are Allowed to Leave YouI saw this last night and found it very interesting. It tugs at my heart a bit, especially given the recent break-up (though we did talk again for almost two hours the other night, so I’m doing pretty well, all things considered), but overall I found it to ring true. I can’t quite put my finger on why, but it prompted an odd feeling of unrest in me despite the fact that I think it provides a fair assessment. As one of my grad school professors used to say, “People are just trying to get their needs met.”

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The February Trifecta

We always talk about trouble coming in threes, and though this often seems to (randomly) match reality, I generally consider the phrase to be the equivalent of folklore. After the past week or so, however, I think I may need to reevaluate that stance.

One: Significant other broke up with me (on Valentine’s Day, though that was partly at my urging that we make a decision rather than let it hang over us any longer).

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After Forgiving: Forget or Move On?

I finally contacted him this morning. It was the longest we’d ever gone without speaking (5.5 days, to be precise). I barely slept, and I was mad at him (stemming partly from Instagram, but I don’t know if I even have the energy to write about that right now). I texted to tell him that I was angry with him, after which he said it was pretty deserved (due to the break-up itself and the communication issues that resulted in that). I fired off plenty of reasons why, beginning with IG and then moving on to short bits of things that I “let go” while we were dating but that were never really resolved to satisfaction.

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Referee Cat to the Rescue?

Now, I am NOT an artist (like, by any stretch of the imagination: one time in high school I tried to doodle a trumpet and ended up drawing a penis. in permanent marker. on my leg...but I digress), but I've been determined to spend time practicing things at which I am really, really bad.

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One Day at a Time

We broke up yesterday (yes, on Valentine’s Day). At least, if nothing else, the dread is worse than the actual reality. I can be grateful that the last month of us barely being able to spend time together prepared me for actually not being together.

It’s funny though, because if it had to happen, we at least got the best possible scenario. We both know that we can’t meet the other’s needs right now. He can’t give me the support and togetherness that I need, and I certainly can’t give him the amount of space for work that he needs right now. I still don’t understand why we couldn’t compromise, but I have to accept that his needs are different from mine and that I can’t always understand those. I’m glad that I won’t have to sacrifice my needs or hide my hurt anymore, and that I won’t feel like I’m lowering my standards for what I want in a relationship.

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True Life: I Made My Recruiter Cry

“Not to jinx it, but…”

With as frequently as I have heard not to count my “eggs” before they hatch, one would think I would have learned by this age not to get too excited before I know that a prospect is a sure thing. In keeping with my naturally obnoxious optimistic nature though, I just can’t help but to bounce around excitedly way before I have a certifiable, set-in-stone reason. Maybe that isn’t wise, per se, but I think I’d rather let myself experience the sort of elation that truly makes me feel alive rather than carefully curate my feelings out of some fear of disappointment.

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Love Sneaks

It’s funny how love works. Sometimes all the grandest gestures in the world don’t make a bit of difference, even if you wish they would, and you just can’t love someone. Other times…seeing him burning up with fever–or exhausted and congested and frustrated and grumpy–just makes you want to take the weight of the world for him, even though he’d never let you. Somehow, perhaps inexplicably if we rely on logic, this man has unlocked your love simply by existing.

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The Space In-between

Relationships are funny. You learn more about yourself than you think possible–and not always about your best qualities–and just when you think you’ve really understood a lot about someone else, they go off and do something baffling…leading you to respond in an even more baffling manner. Then, you’re left with the conclusion that maybe you have a lot to learn about the both of you and you don’t know anything about anyone after all. Perhaps that is how personal growth occurs, but I suspect it might also explain spikes in wine sales. -_-

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Munchkins, You Are My “Why”

In response to the Daily Post’s  Reason to Believe : “At the end of every hard-earned day / people find some reason to believe.” What’s your reason to believe?

When I think back on some of the hardest times I’ve ever experienced, sometimes I’m not even sure I quite remember how I made it through. What I do know is that I have clung to two statements my mother used to repeat when I was a child: “This too shall pass,” and “Sometimes you have to either laugh or cry, and I’d just rather laugh.” This combination of hope, perseverance, and humor in the face of struggle has gotten me through many tough breaks.

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