Dented Armor

I know what you would tell me. “It’s for work. You don’t realize that all of the things I do are connected to work in some way.” “I rarely get the time to see them. It was for their kids.” “But it was Random Act of Kindness Day. Are you really going to get mad at me for doing something nice for someone? I can’t just see you all the time.” “Of course I’m going to NCA’s. How could I not, especially with the chance to meet people I could do work for? You’re actually getting mad at me for doing something I love that helps my business? When you act that way, it really doesn’t make me want to see you.”

And that’s when I would remind you that all of those things are why I kept telling you I didn’t feel like a priority, which always made you mad. Maybe you just don’t know how… Maybe it was just me. Something about me didn’t draw you in anymore, perhaps. Either way, you find time to do all these other things, but you always explained to me that all you have time for is work, that you’re so behind, and that you don’t want to spend our time together just working.

At the end of the day, I think you like swooping in to rescue people. They all love you for it, their kids love you, they post about how great you are all over social media…but when it comes to sustaining a relationship and taking care of one person, I don’t think you want to do even half of what it takes unless it’s convenient most of the time.

Relationships aren’t convenient. People are not neat and easily scheduled or one-dimensional, and you can’t just be there during some sort of crisis (like when your coworker calls you at 4 a.m., though you never told me whether or not that was an actual crisis or if she just wanted to discuss the recent weather, idk. Anyway.). You have to be there for the little things, the daily joys and musings and disappointments, too. And Jesus, once a week isn’t exactly a “high-maintenance” request when we live only 30 miles from each other (and I’m the one that comes to you)…and our workplaces are only 20 minutes away.

I’m just so tired of excuses masquerading as reasons. And now that I have the freedom to without jeopardizing us–since there is no “us” now–, the anger is starting to kick in. Maybe it should have a long time ago.

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