For Part 1 of this saga, introduced as evidence to support the assertion that my life is a joke, read here:
Bad Luck with Nice Hotels in Strange Cities, Part 1
(I started writing this post the Saturday (April 9th) I was still in Houston, hence the present tense passages!)
Being here is absolutely lovely. I am thankful for the opportunity to escape a bit for the weekend, and it has renewed my belief that I need to start taking mini-getaway trips (with Max the Cat, of course!) every once in a while. I just am fighting with my impulse to feel guilty for “letting” B. take me out for dinner(s) and drinks,
to get a massage (editor’s note: we didn’t end up doing that), arrange my flights and put me up in this nice hotel (though I hope both of those were free of charge and from his points, since he frequently travels for work), buy me flowers…even though I didn’t ask for any of it and he offered multiple times before I accepted. But I also have to remind myself that it is not my fault that he is doing so, and that I owe nobody anything—not my time, emotions, body, affection, or attention—because they have done something nice for me. In the past, I have been very careful to pick up my share of the costs when men have offered to do something similar.
I just don’t think many men understand how disappointing it can be to realize that someone wants to date you when they at first gave the appearance that they were actually interested in you as a person without wanting anything from you. And when I say “wanting anything,” I’m not referring to sex, which people often assume when women say that. Especially in a professional setting, it really changes the dynamic and comfort level and it’s exhausting when it happens constantly. Just talk to me like a freaking person without having an ulterior motive; not that hard.
So as far as planning for today went, we left off last night with the decision that I would sleep until I woke (and then try to sleep some more) then let him know when I was ready to get pancakes/go get those massages he suggested we go get/go do anything else I decided I would like to do in the city.
I woke at 9:45 the first time (ick) because my body decided it would be obscene to sleep more than 6.5 hours. After some finagling, I was able to wrangle up another hour of sleep, but that was about the extent of it. I made coffee and leisurely got ready for the day, then messaged him at noon to mention another of the hotel quirks I’d discovered and ask if he minded if I got some writing done. He responded several minutes later and said, “No problem. I’ve got some errands to run…no rush at all. Plenty of quirks in all shapes and sizes haha”
But then things started to feel (even more) awkward…evidenced by our textual interactions during the day (spoiler, I did not see him again after our exchange Friday night!):
(me) 1:47 p.m. “True, haha! I’ll probably put writing and other to-do sorts of things on hold in another 30, I think.”
(B.) 3:02 p.m. “Ok cool! Should we get massages?”
(me.) 3:05 p.m. “If you’re still up for it, then so am I!”
As of 5:17 p.m., I have not gotten a response to that, so perhaps he’s offended that I was not chomping at the bit to hold his hand, go to his house to “help rearrange furniture,” etc. last night. -_-
Update: at 5:09 p.m. he forwarded me an email from someone who is looking for an assistant in the Houston area. The job would pay $50,000 a year. Which is cool and all…except I do not live in Houston and have no plans to move here. Especially given whatever is going on right now with this.
(5:40 p.m.) I have to admit, I am a little irritated right now. Yes, it was really nice of him to use his points to fly me down and put me up in this nice hotel. The flowers were nice, the food and drinks were nice. But to pretend that all that was because you were empathic about my horrible, heartbreaking experience and then use that as an opportunity to hit on me…? That’s not okay. At all.
And then, it was finally addressed:
Although he certainly didn’t come off as ungentlemanly during the conversation, it really irked me that he didn’t have any sort of understanding at how upsetting it was to go through that sort of bait-and-switch type of situation and have him knowingly hit on me (and he’s 13 years my senior and had never seen me in person before!!!) and then say that he “can’t control the timing on those things.” Seriously…? That’s all you have to say, after consciously ignoring everything I was going through and putting your wants (wants that were completely out of left field, mind you) before my needs? No thanks.
Needless to say, I hit the downstairs hotel happy hour that evening, where my night was filled with many whiskey sours and which ended with me lifting a “large Asian man” (as he called himself) who was impressed with my biceps and then drinking out of a very cute flower vase before hopping up to bed.…and yessss, there will be a Part 3! 😉