The Digital Version of Loneliness: A Paradox

There are few situations lonelier than being wanted by seemingly everybody…except the one person whose attention you crave.

You know, I get hit on every day. Sometimes it bothers me more than others, but the vast majority of the time, I prefer to be left alone. You know, treated like a human being rather than an item to be possessed. That sentiment gets infinitely more painful each time someone hits on me in “real life” or I get an overwhelming number of messages on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, LinkedIn, Twitter, freaking Words with Friends (because yes, women get hit on EVERYWHERE), etc…and meanwhile, I am being ignored by the one man who really made me believe in the possibility of forever.

I just don’t understand why you would do that to someone. If you’re going to be that intimate, elicit their trust and tell them to feel safe leaning on you because you will support them…don’t run away at the first sign of trouble. Don’t gaslight them. And don’t play the back-and-forth games. Don’t call her “love” if you don’t mean it anymore. Don’t call her in tears when you have a breakdown, talk about growing together, ask her to drive down and be with you as soon as possible, tell her how amazing she is…and then two days later, stop returning her texts, avoid the topic of her coming down, stop calling when you say you will, tell her you didn’t think a conversation about this was necessary because you two “aren’t together,” and abandon her when she needs you.

I was so happy before him; I was in this place where I was so thankful that I have so much time to focus on my career and do whatever I want without having to worry about how it affects someone else. Generally, I really enjoy being single. I had just intended to get to know him and maybe grab a drink or something. We just hit it off so fast, and he kept talking about us and our future and potential kids and a fucking house and all these little details, so I felt safe in falling into that fantasy with him. And then he walked out and left me in that dream world by myself.

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