All I ask of you
Is that you not sacrifice my heart
As a peace offering
To keep your own misery at bay.
-Sarah Clinton
Texts I Should Send But Never Will
“You can’t just treat women like they are disposable because you are hurting (due to your own actions making your last one leave). Don’t come to me for comfort–to talk and laugh and play video games together and make you feel like a human being–and then disappear. I never asked for anything, but don’t make promises you never intended to keep. Don’t marvel at the fact that I stroke your hair as if I care about you–I do: in fact, I care about people in general–and then treat me with disregard. My attention is valuable, my time is valuable, and so is my friendship. If there is one thing I can promise you, it is that I won’t give you the opportunity to heal your old wounds by gouging one out in me. By nature, you don’t deserve any part of me if you’re willing to treat others this way. I wish I’d learned that lesson long ago.”
Self-Confidence Sunday #26–A Little at a Time
I felt like I didn’t accomplish anything today. I feel that way fairly often to be quite honest, but perhaps my expectations are a bit lofty. We had bday stuff for one of my dearest friends last night, so I actually didn’t get in and to bed til last 3 a.m., so I definitely slept later than I would prefer. Here’s my recap for myself, so I don’t start beating myself up over being “lazy” today:
Midnights in May
5/27/18
Sometimes I remember that night.
Rain pouring down around us,
Your kisses hot and wet,
The taste of salt on your lips.
The hood of your brother’s car was
The perfect brace in a pinch.
God, if only you’d understood
How much I loved you then.
If only I’d known it wouldn’t matter.
-Sarah Clinton
Self-Confidence Sunday #25—Reclaiming My Time (A Work in Progress)
Ask a woman, especially a woman of color, how she felt watching the video of Maxine Waters “reclaiming her time” as U.S. Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin tried to dodge her questions with some BS, irrelevant flattery and you’re likely to get responses that include pride and empowerment.
Self-confidence Sunday #24—Made of Stronger Stuff
Sometimes, strong people overlook how much they have overcome. We forget to praise our own resilience, to cherish the perseverance that bears witness to a lifetime of trial by fire. That, this week, is what I am remembering to love about myself.
I often fail to notice when I am tired or overwhelmed because for so much of my life, I haven’t had the luxury of doing so. That’s something I learned from my parents. I do have that luxury now, however, and self-care (beginning with self-awareness) is starting to emerge as a theme I should carefully integrate into my week.
A Life Lesson to End 27
When I turned 27, one of my challenges to myself was to begin acting on Maya Angelou’s wisdom that, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Key word here being “first.” If you know me well, you know that despite everything, I believe in people. I believe in their goodness, their capacity to change for the better, their ability to achieve anything they put their mind to. Try as I might (and trust me, I have TRIED), I can’t help that—it’s just how I’m wired. That quality is part of what makes me a good coach, a good teammate, a good partner and coworker…but it also means that I don’t walk away from unhealthy relationships, toxic work environments, or generally persnickety felines when I really should.
Cheers
12/20/17
It’s okay to drink
If wine is all that’s keeping you
From falling to your knees
At the feet of a man
Who is unworthy
Of kissing the ground you walk upon.
-Sarah Clinton
Vapor
February 7, 2018
You are more vapor than gust, now.
The only remnant of your presence
Appears at nightfall
When the world is all but asleep
And the wind carries along a whispered memory
That, when day breaks,
Is shoved aside
Like those old dreams
Of you and I.
-Sarah Clinton
Thankful
Tonight, I settle into bed with a cup of chamomile tea, a curious and loving furball of a cat, and (nearly) a full night’s sleep ahead of me before I get up to coach in the morning.
I find myself thankful for my independence, my health, the opportunities that lie ahead of me (including a lucrative contract position I’m taking on next week!), and the fact that I had the luxury today of curling up with a good Harry Potter book and forgetting the “real” (read: Muggle) world while I read.