The Digital Version of Loneliness: A Paradox

There are few situations lonelier than being wanted by seemingly everybody…except the one person whose attention you crave.

You know, I get hit on every day. Sometimes it bothers me more than others, but the vast majority of the time, I prefer to be left alone. You know, treated like a human being rather than an item to be possessed. That sentiment gets infinitely more painful each time someone hits on me in “real life” or I get an overwhelming number of messages on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, LinkedIn, Twitter, freaking Words with Friends (because yes, women get hit on EVERYWHERE), etc…and meanwhile, I am being ignored by the one man who really made me believe in the possibility of forever.

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In Comparison

You know, the guy I dated for a couple years in college cheated on me. When I found out, I left him. On my 22nd birthday 6-7 weeks later, he let me know that he had bought my engagement ring several months before and was planning to propose that night. Asked me if I wanted to at least see it, etc.

That night, I gave myself ten seconds to cry over it. Then I promptly pulled myself together and went out to dinner with my roommates and then out on the town (without the girls, who went to bed) to dance the night away.

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Charting My Own Waters

Perhaps that’s why it hurt so
When you left.
You had become
My guiding light
The bookends of my days
My Compass.

Ever the captain,
I resumed my rightful
Place at the helm
Readjusted the sails
And set course for
A paradise of my own making.

–Sarah Clinton

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Dating Deal-Breakers: Ladies, Know When to Run

So I’ll be the first to say that I don’t necessarily have the best luck with men (if you’ve followed my writing for very long, you can attest to this). Some of that is because I—a coach through and through—tend to see people’s potential, forgive mistakes, and assume that everyone I meet is generally trying his or her best from their own current level of consciousness.

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You Always Leave Like Rain

The rain lashed at my window
Like your words at my heart.
Cutting, biting,
Colder than I expected.

Little did you know
This was preferable
To the Silent void left
As you faded day by day.

–Sarah Clinton

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Lingering Shadows Unbidden

December 2, 2017

Dear God,
You’re going to make me crazy.
It’d be so much easier
To move on
If your shadow didn’t linger
In my bed
When the throes of ecstasy
Subside.

–Sarah Clinton

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Closure

Signed, sealed, delivered—following my brain instead of my heart this time. Looks like your part in my story is over, love.

December 13, 2017

D,

I never got the chance to read it to you, but there’s a Warsan Shire poem that beautifully captures how I felt about you when we were seeing each other. It’s probably neither here nor there for us now, but I suppose sometimes everyone needs to know that despite our faults, someone out there would happily continue to choose us every day.

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Things I Wish I Could Tell You

I want to lay my head on your chest and just listen to you talk. It had been a long time since I’d been that intimate with anyone.

I miss hearing about your day. I miss the way your eyes would light up when you’d talk about something you’re really passionate about. I miss your eyes lighting up when you’d talk that way about me.

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